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If you're like 99.99% of parents of challenging
children, you're innocently giving your child no choice but to refuse your wishes. He thinks he knows how to push your buttons so you lose control and he
wins. The only way out of this gridlock is to develop some refusal tactics of your
own.
Your calmer cooler response will be so surprising that your child will admire and respect your patience and strength of character. And you
win. Adopt these winning tactics that soothe your child and elevate your parenting style: Refuse to argue.
When he unnerves you enough that you weaken and argue, he wins again. Refuse to cater, coddle, or pamper your child when he is disagreeable. Otherwise he'll think, "I must be the prince, and you must be the doormat. Why else would you cater to me when I treat you lower than the rattlesnake's belly?" Refuse to get emotionally overwhelmed.
If you get overwhelmed, say "I need five minutes to decide what to do with you." Calm down and return in exactly five minutes. That's modeling self-control. (And you win.) Refuse to raise your voice. If he's out of control, try whispering. (If he unnerves
you enough that you raise your voice, he wins again.)
Refuse to beg, bribe, or nag. (Or your child will think you're weak, and he wins). Praise him when you catch him being good. And give him a chance to win by improving his
behavior.
Refuse to hit, spank, or threaten. Your child sees that as weakness (and he wins
again). Refuse to hold grudges or gripe about the past. It's impossible to change the past, so it's unfair for you to harp on it. If you do, your child is entitled to have a tantrum. (And he
wins.)
I invite you to use these methods to transform quickly from reactive parent to surprisingly calm cool and collected parent worthy of attention and
respect.
If you want to improve your child's challenging behavior, I invite you to claim your child behavior–improving report "Three Easy Ways to Improve Your Child's Behavior Today!" You can download part one when you subscribe at
http://www.ADHDParentingTips.com Then you can also claim your free CD "How to Help Your Child Without Losing Your Mind." From Debra Sale Wendler - Respect Effect Mom and ADHD Parenting Success at
http://www.ADHDParentingSuccess.com
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